Good afternoon. And welcome to another installment of everyone's favorite gameshow, Clint's Corner!!!!! And I am your fabulous host, His Holiness Clint Miller. I hope that you have all been living the dream since our last encounter. I know I have. We have talked before about holidays and how awesome they are. Well it is time once again to celebrate one of the greatest holidays ever. THANKSGIVING! Why is is so great you ask. Well that is a great question. And I assure you that all the answers you seek will soon be revealed to you. So lets get started...
Next to Christmas, Thanksgiving may be the best holiday every year. And there are many different reasons that make it so. Getting together with family and friends. Sitting around a table counting blessings. These are just a couple of the traditional reasons that people give for enjoying Thanksgiving. And as everyone knows, they are complete bullshit. First of all, I don't know how it is with your family, but many of the people I have to be around on Thanksgiving I only see them once a year. So I barely remember their names. The ones I do recall, its usually because they are assholes and I spend half my time trying to avoid them at all costs. Also, sitting around giving thanks is not what people are concerned with when they gather round the table. They are only concerned with stuffing thier faces with turkey, dressing, and all manner of desserts. I swear it's like gluttony is not only tolerated on Thanksgiving, but celebrated. And that's the first reason I love Thanksgiving.
As I have alluded to before, I am now, and always have been, a fat kid. After a few hours of playing hide from the old people who tell the same stories year after year and all the yelling children, it's nice to be rewarded with a good meal. And oh my God do we feast. I will say this, the older ladies in my family sure can put on a spread. And I always take full advantage. I will rape and pillage the dinner line like a mad fucking viking. And you know what, nobody gives it a second thought. The fat kid in me reigns on this day and indulges on all the goodness life has to offer. Good times.
Another reason I love Thanksgiving is the football. After everyone has gorged themselves into a diebetic coma, it is then time to sit around like motionless zombies and watch the boys throw the pigskin around. And it usually isn't even a good game. I think last year I saw like the Lions vs. the Browns or some shit like that. Not exactly powerhouses. But that doesn't even matter. It's still football. It's still somthing to get excited about. It's still is reason enough for Uncle Dave to drink a case of Keystone and pass out in the yard. We're talking about memories here people. And since you have feasted like savages, no one can talk shit about you sitting on the couch and doing nothing productive all day.
The final reason I love Thanksgiving is family. Not the assholes who nobody cares about referenced above. But my real family. We will be doing all of these things together in a few days. Gluttony, sloth, and all the other good sins. I am grateful that I get to share these things with them. And I am grateful that I get to share this message with all of you. Here's hoping that you all have a safe and happy Thanksgiving. And now I will leave you with these words of wisdom.
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. ~Erma Bombeck
Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. ~Michael Dresser
No comments:
Post a Comment